Vindicated
by Princess in the Pea
Summary: songs that i think fit the family, it will be mainly chris with a little wyatt and others sprinkled in. and that's just as good, cause who doesn't like sprinkles?
1. Vindicated

**"Vindicated"**

Hope dangles on a string  
Like slow spinning redemption  
Winding in and winding out  
The shine of it has caught my eye

And roped me in  
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing  
I am captivated

Chris had made it, back to the past that is. He had done what he had come to do, or at least he had tried. Dying never had been part of the plan, but hopefully now that the whole situation was in Leo's hands Chris could trust that it would come out all right. Chris could trust that Leo would save him and Wyatt and stop Gideon from destroying the world as it should be. He was dying, and all he could think of was all the wrong he had done towards the sister, his mother and aunts. They had been through hell with him around and had still forgiven him when they had found out.

I am Vindicated  
I am selfish  
I am wrong  
I am right  
I swear I'm right  
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed  
But I am cleaning up so well  
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

He had truly been forgiven in the end, they had taken the blame off his shoulders for Wyatt, they had protected him, they had defended him after realizing his justification in being in the past, and now these thoughts of them were setting him free from his painful life in the hopes that he would never have to live it again. Even though to them he had done a great thing, Chris knew it was because he wanted a happy world for himself _and_ Wyatt. He had gone against everyone who had told him to just kill Wyatt and not try to save him. And yes in situations Chris had done wrong things to get the right result, but despite everything, sometimes Chris felt like his presence on the planet was wrong; although everyone told him it was right and had him convinced. After countless demon vanquishes and almost getting his mother and aunts killed by that demon that trapped them into their own fantasies. He knew that some of his views on how to get things done were defective at best, but once they had found out who he was he had fought to fix the mass mess he had made of his relationship with Piper, Phoebe, Paige, and even Leo. He was fighting for Wyatt his older brother and once they had all found out they had gone on, and on, and on about how they had missed it. How they had missed his resemblance to the Halliwell family, they had compared his hair, eyes, facial structure, and even his hands and even though he had never seen these things before, due to his lack of attention towards his appearance, he had begun to see them when he was there with the Charmed Ones in their youth.

So clear  
Like the diamond in your ring  
Cut to mirror your intentions  
Oversized and overwhelmed  
The shine of which has caught my eye  
And rendered me so isolated, so motivated  
I am certain now that  
I am Vindicated  
I am selfish  
I am wrong  
I am right  
I swear I'm right  
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed  
But I am cleaning up so well  
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

His eyes were so unclouded that Leo could see every emotion and pain he had ever felt in his entire life sparkling in Chris' eyes, his son, his baby. Leo now realized that he could never wish for better sons than the two that he had. He new that Chris was the only person he had ever felt a desire for vengeance for. Gideon was responsible for the twenty-three year old lying on a bed bleeding to death and he himself was powerless to heal the neediest innocent in the world, at least in Leo's eyes. Gideon wasn't going to get away with this. He could shove all the greater good crap where the sun don't shine for all Leo cared, Gideon was going to pay. He was sure of that and if it wasn't himself who caused him to pay, then it was going to be the sisters, no-one got away with hurting this family and that meant elders too.

So turn  
Up the corners of your lips  
Part them and feel my finger tips  
Trace the moment, fall forever  
Defense is paper thin  
Just one touch and I'd be in  
Too deep now to ever swim against the current  
So let me slip away _3x_  
So let me slip against the current  
So let me slip away _4x_

Chris's lips curled into a smirk that was filled with complete sadness and Leo saw it and called out his name, but his voice seemed so distant and Chris responded with Leo's name. Chris then heard Leo's voice again only this time it was tell him to hold on and telling him it was okay. He felt his head nod slowly in reaction to the comment and Leo said something else. This sounded clearer to Chris and it hit him that Leo was telling him he couldn't give up, but Chris could already feel that he had lost the fight and his body was weak and tired. Chris told Leo to hold on too, as if knowing what Leo was going to do to get vengeance for his sons. He could feel his breath leaving him taking his life force and soul along with it and could sense his fathers panic at his labored breaths and register him repeatedly saying 'no' and then 'please' as if it would heal Chris. He felt himself drifting away and out of his body escaping the pain he had felt for almost an entire lifetime and then he felt like he was being submerged in sadness as his soul was guided gently somewhere else, and although he couldn't remember anything he had a dull feeling of the pain of someone in his heart and a world that waited to be discovered anew.

I am Vindicated  
I am selfish  
I am wrong  
I am right  
I swear I'm right  
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed  
But I am cleaning up so well  
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

Leo knew that Chris had sensed his end was hear and he knew that the future Chris had come back to save was not going to happen if he had anything to say about it. Chris had worked hard and even _died _to save Wyatt. He had grown up before he should have and he had fought an unbearable fight to save his family and Leo wasn't going to let his son be trapped going back into that atrocious future that he had fought so hard to prevent. He sensed Paige's shock briefly as he made the ultimate decision and orbed out to kill Gideon, the vital evil that would turn the world back to normal. Leo knew that if he didn't fix this now, he would never get the chance to save his relationship with his youngest son and so with conviction he raised his hands at Gideon, who was now standing before him in the underworld trying to plead his case, and Leo shot lightning out of his finger tips at Gideon and killed him: for the future, for his wife, for his sisters-in-law, for Wyatt, and mostly for Chris, who had died for an older brother who had tortured him and taken over the world. If that didn't qualify Chris for a good life than Leo didn't know what would and if he didn't get that life then Leo would personally assure that whoever prevented it would pay the price, no matter who they were.

Slight hope  
It dangles on a string  
Like slow spinning redemption...

Leo stood in the hospital, outside of the room that they had placed Piper in, with Phoebe, Paige, and Wyatt in their arms. The doctor walked out to inform them that Piper and the baby were going to be fine and that one at a time they could go in. Then a nurse walked out with a small bundle in her arms and handed it to Leo who peered into the mass of blankets in his arms. Phoebe and Paige peaked around his shoulders with Wyatt and smiled at the small child with green eyes staring back at them and here at this very point they new that Chris had never really died and he would never die like that again if they had a say in it. Leo smiled at baby Chris in has arms and then was shoved in to see Piped with the tiny bundle that he held and deep in side he knew that this was the same Christopher Perry Halliwell that had just died in the manor in his arms. Leo vowed to the sleeping infant that he would never let anything bad happen to him and that he would always be there for him; no matter what.


	2. It Ends Tonight

It ends tonight

Your subtleties  
They strangle me  
I can't explain myself at all.  
And all the wants  
And all the needs  
All I don't want to need at all.

Piper blinked at Chris as he walked in the room…was it really possible for this lying, deceiving, witch-lighter to be her son? Was it really possible for her baby to grow up and be evil? Yes, the answer was yes and it wasn't fair. This boy had been dropping subtle hits by _accident_ for almost over a year now and she never caught a single one. Not to mention his appearance, he had her husband's eyes, and the rest belonged to her family, for god's sake how could she _NOT_ notice. She couldn't explain to herself why he hadn't told them, why she hadn't noticed…was she a terrible mother or what. She wanted explanations. Hell! She needed them, from Chris not her sisters, and all at once she didn't want them at all, not one bit. If he told her the truth, she might find out what a terrible mother she was, how it's her fault Wyatt turned out evil and how her baby is left to clean up everyone else's messes. She needed to know, and yet, she didn't want to.

The walls start breathing  
My mind's unweaving  
Maybe its best you leave me alone.  
A weight is lifted  
on this evening  
I give the final blow.

She knew, they told her, she was going to hate him. What could he do to erase their memories, turn back time…stop them from telling her. He couldn't think…there was too much pressure and they were all staring at him.

'Oh shit!' was all he could her going through his head. He should leave, and maybe they would let him be, let him think. It hit him all at once when Piper, his mom, hugged him, he didn't have to worry, and she didn't hate him that was a huge relief. Just one more cat left in the bag that needed to be let out, maybe he'd leave that one for later…

When darkness turns to light,  
It ends tonight  
It ends tonight.

The dark turmoil in his mind about solving the worlds problems alone was gone, it was over, he had help now and they weren't gonna rest until what needed to be done was done. It'll all be over soon and then Wyatt will be back to normal. Chris breathed a sigh of relief at this revelation.

A falling star  
Least I fall alone.  
I can't explain what you can't explain.  
You're finding things that you didn't know  
I look at you with such disdain

Wyatt had been like a super hero in Chris' eyes when he was younger, he could never do anything wrong. Wyatt had fallen from grace and Chris wasn't going to be taken along for the ride, Wyatt could fall through the Earth and out the other side for all Chris cared, but he wouldn't be going with his brother on this joy ride to death. Chris couldn't explain what had happened to Wyatt, and neither could Wyatt since he wouldn't admit that he was screwed over twice in the head…Wyatt was lacking in the brains department. Chris on the other hand was finding out things about his brother every day that he had never known, and the more he saw of perfect _good_ baby Wyatt the more Chris hated his older brother. They were two different people.

The walls start breathing  
My mind's unweaving  
Maybe its best you leave me alone.  
A weight is lifted  
On this evening  
I give the final blow.

Chris was done with worrying about his Wyatt all the time, the world was his problem, Wyatt was a monster, and he killed Bianca and countless others, including his own family. Chris was going to stop that from happening and give his brother another chance at being good, everyone deserves a second chance. He just had to think and his mother and aunts would not stop harassing him about… himself. They wanted to know _everything!_ Maybe he should drop that deadline…then again, maybe not.

When darkness turns to light  
It ends tonight,  
It ends tonight.  
Just a little insight won't make this right  
It's too late to fight  
It ends tonight,  
It ends tonight.

It was too late, his birth date was looming up, first it was a month, then a week, then the next thing he knew, his birthday was in four days. Yeah they were close to the light at the end of the tunnel concerning who turned Wyatt, but not nearly close enough… it was a circle of light in the distance.

'Shit' Chris thought, no matter of knowledge of the future, or insight, could help them now. It was almost too late, and it was going to end soon.

Now I'm on my own side  
It's better than being on your side  
It's my fault when your blind  
It's better that I see it through your eyes

He left the future, his present, because he couldn't be on Wyatt's side and he couldn't be with the resistance, he was the third party in this war, and it sucked. It was defiantly better than openly opposing his brother or his beliefs though. But he couldn't help that the sisters couldn't see what he remembered every day of his life, every single day. So it was better for him to view the good they say than the bad that he remembered.

All these thoughts locked inside  
Now you're the first to know

He had told Victor, his grandfather, and he was the first to know all… well most, of the bad in Chris' life, he was the first aside from Wyatt who Chris opened up to. It probably wasn't fair to his mom though.

When darkness turns to light  
It ends tonight,  
It ends tonight.  
Just a little insight won't make this right  
It's too late to fight  
It ends tonight,  
It ends tonight.

It was all ending today, he was going back to a peaceful future and it would be over, all that would be left would be his memories of the whole awful event. He would forgive Wyatt though; after all he was getting what he wanted. Maybe insight had changed everything for the better…either way, it was over.

When darkness turns to light  
It ends tonight,  
It ends tonight.  
Just a little insight won't make this right  
It's too late to fight  
It ends tonight,  
It ends tonight.

He was dying, if ever there was a moment to say 'oh shit' this was that moment. He hadn't finished what he came to do and now Wyatt would be evil and destroy the world and it was ending for Chris, but mini him still had to live through it. Screw insight, he just wanted someone to finish the job for him if he couldn't. He couldn't even fight it anymore he just had to except it. Maybe someone would fix it and he would be reborn and wake up to a peaceful world where Wyatt was an advocate for world peace…that would be a change. He wouldn't know though and then what if he wasn't reborn? Well at least his family would have a good life.


	3. Be My Escape

Disclaimer: The song is by RELIENT K and The characters from Charmed don't belong to me, it's just something I'll have to learn to live with now isn't it?

A/N: I love these things, they annoy the hell out of readers. Anyways, love this song, love the band, love Chris, nuff said.

**"Be My Escape"**

I've given up on giving up slowly, I'm blending in so  
You won't even know me apart from this whole world that shares my fate  
This one last bullet you mention is my one last shot at redemption  
because I know to live you must give your life away

'I give up' Chris thought, I can't win, not against Wyatt. 'I'll just hide, he won't even know and none of the rebels will know, I'll look just like one of them. Everyone is gonna die before there time anyways, this world is falling apart and no one can escape what it's become because of Wyatt. I'm going down with Wyatt and the whole world is going down with us, this sucks. And Wyatt's only chance to be redeemed is if I go fix the past. This is the craziest idea ever in the history of time, but it's the last chance I've got. So in order for me to survive past my twenty-fifth birthday I have to basically give up everything, forget my family and my past and go back in time to save Wyatt. This really sucks.' He couldn't turn back now, he was into far and if he turned back Wyatt would kill him.

And I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity and  
I've been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key  
And I've been dying to get out and that might be the death of me  
And even though, there's no way in knowing where to go, promise I'm going because  
I gotta get outta here  
I'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake  
I gotta get outta here  
And I'm begging You, I'm begging You, I'm begging You to be my escape.

'They hate me, they defiantly hate me. I'm lucky mom…I mean Piper hasn't blown me up yet. You have to stop doing that Chris, they're two different people, and you need to remember that. They have the book though, so they have the fate of the future upstairs in there attic and I need it. I need to get it out and if I try they'll kill me, wonderful. Just fantastic! To top all this off I've made the plan only halfway, aren't you a genius Chris? So I'm stuck here, helping them when I should be out there trying to save my brother who doesn't think he needs to be saved. And to top it off they won't help me!' Chris was beyond frustrated, he was pissed off that they were making this so hard on him.

I'm giving up on doing this alone now  
Cause I've failed and I'm ready to be shown how  
He's told me the way and I'm trying to get there  
And this life sentence that I'm serving  
I admit that I'm every bit deserving  
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

'I give up!' he mumbled to himself, 'do you hear me, I can't do this alone. And they know now, and that just complicates everything. I mean sure I'm not alone anymore, but it means I've failed in every way possible to save my brother and hide my future. So now I have to call on mommy to help me fix everything. This sucks worst of all. I guess I know when it will happen though; at least I've got that. But I've had a miserable life so far and it's done little to improve, but maybe I deserve it, maybe Wyatt's evil because I was born and they couldn't save him in time because of me. Nothing I can do about it now though.' Chris looked up at his mother and his aunts who were standing in the doorway to the attic looking at him as he looked through the book for the five millionth time, he smiled and they smiled back.

Cause I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity and  
I've been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key  
And I've been dying to get out and that might be the death of me  
And even though, there's no way in knowing where to go, promise I'm going because  
I gotta get outta here  
Cause I'm afraid that this complacency is something I can't shake  
I gotta get outta here  
And I'm begging You, I'm begging You, I'm begging You to be my escape.

'I'll never be able to pull this off, Wyatt will never be good and mom will never live and I'll never be happy, why does god hate me so much? I knew Wyatt was too powerful for me to be able to pull this off, and now he's going to come back here and kill me unless I pull this off. Yep, my life is sucking even more.'

I am a hostage to my own humanity  
Self detained and forced to live in this mess I've made  
And all I'm asking is for You to do what You can with me  
But I can't ask You to give what You already gave

'I could have had everything Wyatt offered to give me, but I had to care about the world, remember what my mother taught me, I had to choose to be good. Having a conscious and having humanity stinks. I had to trap myself in the past to save my brother, almost stopped my own birth, and split up my parents, Leo was right; I'm only good for making messes. I didn't want there help though, I just wanted a place to stay and access to the book and somehow I became there whitelighter, I had no idea how much they depended on their whitelighter. It's ridiculous. But I can't ask them to give me anymore help… I'm already using them.' Chris looked down forlornly, trying to convince himself that his shoes were in fact the most interesting things in the world when in fact they were disgusting.

Cause I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity and  
I've been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key  
And I've been dying to get out and that might be the death of me  
And even though, there's no way in knowing where to go, promise I'm going because  
I've gotta get outta here  
I'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake  
I've gotta get outta here  
And I'm begging You, I'm begging You, I'm begging  
You to be my escape.

'I knew I wouldn't live through this, I knew it. It's not fair, I do all this and now I'm dead…well as good as dead. I hope mini me is okay because he's my only hope of seeing a good future now. I doubt dad can fix this mess. He begged and begged for me to hold on though; at least dad did one good thing for me.' Chris' face contorted in pain as he lay there dying.

I fought You for so long  
I should have let You in  
Oh how we regret those things we do  
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin  
But so were You

'I don't regret fighting you Wyatt. Even if it was mostly to save myself, it was to save you to. I was saving both of us, not the world… I could care less about the world, it was just us, just our family. I hope we live a better life and dad cleaned up this mess for us.'

So were You


	4. Its Been a While

**Disclaimer: I don't own the song, didn't write it, cause then I'd be rich, but I'm not and Staind is, and I don't own Charmed, and that's just something I'm going to have to learn to live with.**

**"It's Been A While"**

And it's been awhile  
Since I could hold my head up high  
And it's been awhile  
Since I first saw you  
And it's been awhile  
Since I could stand on my own two feet again  
And it's been awhile  
Since I could call you

Chris sat there, in the dingy dark room in the back of P3 where he now lived. It really wasn't fit for anyone to live in, but beggars can't be choosers, and as far as he was concerned just living here constituted begging and he couldn't look at himself in the mirror at this point. He sat looking at a picture of himself and Wyatt. It had been so long since he had first seen Wyatt for what he really was, evil. He was living off the sisters, and he was probably sick, and he was just lying there on the floor starring at the picture in his hand, and Chris wished more than ever that he had his older brother here with him to make him feel better.

And everything I can't remember  
As fucked up as it all may seem  
The consequences that I've rendered  
I've stretched myself beyond my means

Sure he had lost count of all the times he had screwed up the sisters plans, and messed up their lives, but most of it was for Wyatt, and most of it was buried deep in the back of his memories, where his nightmares came from. And Chris knew that there would be consequences once they found out, but he had lied too far and too wide, and he was stretched to think to care what they would do if and when they found out who he was, because they would find out eventually.

And it's been awhile  
Since I can say that I wasn't addicted  
And it's been awhile  
Since I can say I love myself as well  
And it's been awhile  
Since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do  
And it's been awhile  
But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you

And then there was Bianca, he was addicted to her, her hair, her eyes, her rare smiles, and Wyatt killed her. Just like that, he turned her evil and then he killed her. Chris had loved her, he still did, he loved her more than anything else in the world, and without her his confidence was gone and it seemed like every day he went through was just mechanical, fake. On the bright side he hadn't blown his secret and completely screwed things up yet, he seemed to always do that at the worst moment possible, although if he couldn't get his parents back together then he was pretty much screwed and he didn't care cause then maybe he would be with Bianca again.

And everything I can't remember  
as fucked up as it all may seem  
The consequences that I've rendered  
I've gone and fucked things up again

Chris couldn't remember every detail of his life, he couldn't remember when it had all gone to hell, but he knew it had. It was so screwed up and it basically sucked, everyone he cared about was dead, at the hands of his older brother, Wyatt had killed their family. To top things off, Chris was stuck with them in the past, alive and well, and they didn't know who he was. They also hated his guts, he was lucky Piper hadn't blown him up yet, and that looked like it hurt. Then he brought a demon into the house, Wyatt got kidnapped and Piper told him to get and stay gone, oh yeah, this was screwed up alright.

Why must I feel this way?  
Just make this go away  
Just one more peaceful day!

Why did Chris have to feel guilty, and sad, and angry, and mostly uncaring, when Piper, or Phoebe, or Paige wanted to kill him. It just killed him on the inside that he had made himself not care what they thought, and that he just wanted to tell them who he was so they'd forgive him, talk about a conflict of interests. He just wanted it all to go away, leave him alone, not need him for a little bit, just to make it a little easier the next time they screamed at him for screwing up, or almost getting them killed, or something equally stupid.

And it's been awhile  
Since I could look at myself straight  
And it's been awhile  
Since I said I'm sorry  
And it's been awhile  
Since I've seen the way the candles light your face  
And it's been awhile  
But I can still remember just the way you taste

It was his fault, he blamed himself for Bianca's death, and she did after all, die to save him. And he hated himself, for what he was doing to his mother, and his aunts, what he was putting them through. He just wished that he could say he was sorry, apologize, but he didn't know when the last time the sincere words had played on his lips, since before Wyatt turned he had to guess, cause that was when he had had to suck it up and stop apologizing for his actions. Chris missed Bianca though, the way her skin glowed in the fire and the way she always tasted like cinnamon when he kissed her, or how the smell would linger for hours after she had left, and he would sit there and anticipate her return so he could make sure she had escaped another day undiscovered as a spy in Wyatt's organization.

And everything I can't remember  
As fucked up as it all may seem to be I know it's me  
I cannot blame this on my father  
He did the best he could for me

He couldn't remember the last time he had been outside during the day either, with the sisters he was always in 'The underworld' or the attic, or hiding away in the back room of P3 and he only came outside during the night, and it was pretty fucked up if you asked him. And he did, he blamed the fact that there was something wrong with him on Leo, his not so fatherly father, even though growing up everyone said Leo was doing the best he could, he was only doing his best for Wyatt, and look how well that turned out. So Chris was obviously better off without him.

And it's been awhile  
Since I could hold my head up high  
And it's been awhile  
Since I said I'm sorry

But he missed being confident and proud of himself and his family, and he was hoping against hope that soon he wouldn't have to hide because of how he felt and who his brother was. But it's been to long for him, and he's loosing hope, and Chris wished he could sincerely say that he's sorry, but he's not sure he can.


	5. Everything Changes

**Disclaimer: Still don't own the song, still don't own Charmed, still getting over the fact that I don't have Drew Fuller's phone number.**

**"Everything Changes"**

If you just walked away  
What could I really say?  
Would it matter anyway?  
Would it change how you feel?

'What if I left, if I were gone and I didn't come back? Would you care?' if Piper walked away right now after finding out Chris was her son then there was nothing he could do to stop her. Nothing he could say that would make her stay. Nothing that would matter, because then he would know she didn't love him, and that would hurt more than any other pain in the world.

I am the mess you chose  
The closet you cannot close,  
The devil in you I suppose  
'Cause the wounds never heal.

But even if he expected her to walk away, and he was prepared for the pain, she didn't she watched him, waiting for him to say something first. When he didn't she got up and wrapped her arms around him, feeling how thin he really was, she looked up and saw how sick he looked. If he was a mess, then he was her mess to clean up, hers to hide and protect and close away from the world, although she knew that plan wouldn't work at all. Chris was her son, even if he brought out the worst in her, and she knew that the hurt she had provided him with would never go away, those were wounds that wouldn't heal with time, and she was sorry.

But everything changes  
If I could turn back the years  
If you could learn to forgive me  
Then I could learn to feel,

And Leo, if he could just turn back time then Chris wouldn't hate him. Leo was convinced that Chris was there to save them too, not just Wyatt, after all, he had turned back the years and warned them. But there was no hope for Chris and Leo if Chris couldn't forgive him, Chris couldn't feel.

Sometimes the things I say  
In moments of disarray  
Succumbing to the games we play  
To make sure that it's real.

But sometimes the things Chris said in his flustered, harsh, panicked moments stung. And they just hurt so deep, but Leo took them and dished them back out at Chris, to see if he really meant it, to see if their relationship was really like the way Chris made it, as bad as he made it.

But everything changes  
If I could turn back the years  
If you could learn to forgive me  
Then I could learn to feel,

But everything could change, Leo and Piper knew that they could change it, Leo could change how he treated Chris while he was growing up. He knew that Chris could somehow learn to forgive him, and he could learn to feel.

When it's just me and you.  
Who knows what we could do.  
If we can just make it through  
The toughest part of the day.

Chris knew nothing would change though as long as Wyatt was evil. And when it's just him working on it nothing gets done as fast as when Piper works with him. And with her they can vanquish three demons a day; Chris can cross more off his list and narrow down what happened to his brother. With his mothers help Chris can make it through the whole day without getting the desire to lay down and not get back up because his mother and his aunts keep him busy through the day, and once they go to bed, Chris gets the boring work done.

But everything changes  
If I could turn back the years  
If you could learn to forgive me  
Then I could learn to feel,  
Stay here together  
And we could  
Conquer the world  
If we could  
Say that forever  
Is more than just a word.

But when Chris goes back home, he'll have the old memories, and everyone else will be different because he turned back time. And Chris knew he could forgive Wyatt, he could learn to forgive him fast, and then he would learn to feel. But now Wyatt knew where Chris was, and he wanted Chris on his side. He offered Chris the place at his side time and time again; he said that they could conquer the world. But Chris knew it wasn't real, that the good act was just that, an act, and it was all just words. He was sick of Wyatt's empty promises, he was sick of just words.

If you just walked away  
What could I really say?  
Would it matter anyway?  
It wouldn't change how you feel.

'What if I left, if I were gone and I didn't come back? Would you care?' and if Piper had walked away, Chris knew exactly what he would say to change her mind, and make her stay, he'd tell her he loved her, and he missed her, but he was willing to let her go, cause it wouldn't change how she felt when it really mattered.


	6. Never Too Late

**Disclaimer: Don't own Charmed, never will, I'll get over it eventually. **

**A/N- People, I'm not desperate for reviews or anything, but come on, I don't do this for my health. **

**BTW, italics is memories **

**Never Too Late**

This world will never be  
What I expected  
And if I don't belong  
Who would have guessed it  
I will not leave alone  
Everything that I own  
To make you feel like it's not too late  
It's never too late

_Chris sat there, in the room in Wyatt's castle, 'More like a prison' he thought to himself, as he stared at the window of the destroyed San Francisco skyline. He had expected his future to be different, but after his mother had died everything changed. This world, this life didn't belong to him, but he fit so well that no one would have known. He was going to fix this, one way or another. Chris looked around the room, none of the stuff filling it was important to him, he had all of that in his backpack, all the things he wouldn't leave. It wasn't to late to fix this, to save his brother, he just had to find the resistance_.

Even if I say  
It'll be alright  
Still I hear you say  
You want to end your life  
Now and again we try  
To just stay alive  
Maybe we'll turn it around  
'Cause it's not too late  
It's never too late

_Wyatt grabbed Chris' bag as he started to climb out of the window and pulled him back in, "What are you doing? If you go out there you will die."_

_Chris stared at his older brother not saying anything. Wyatt spoke again, "Chris, it'll be fine, we'll get this mess cleaned up and everything will be right."_

_Chris knew going out there would be suicide, but he couldn't stay here, no matter what Wyatt promised. This wasn't his brother; this was just his brother's body. He looked out the window, then back to Wyatt and consented to stay, he was no good dead. He could still change everything; fix this problem…this huge, massive, gigantic, colossal problem. He had to._

No one will ever see  
This side reflected  
And if there's something wrong  
Who would have guessed it  
And I have left alone  
Everything that I own  
To make you feel like  
It's not too late  
It's never too late

_No one could ever understand Chris' side of the argument; he couldn't kill Wyatt, good or evil, because Wyatt was his brother. But no body here knew that, so no one knew the problem, the conflict Chris now faced. He had left everything when he left his brother to prove that he could fix the world._

Even if I say  
It'll be alright  
Still I hear you say  
You want to end your life  
Now and again we try  
To just stay alive  
Maybe we'll turn it around  
'Cause it's not too late  
It's never too late

Chris sat on the top of the Golden Gate Bridge staring over the edge. The brunette was seriously thinking about just leaning a little too far over. He kept telling himself that he could save the world, but then his annoying inner voice would scream back that he couldn't do it and the whole world was depending on him. He was barely living, he hardly ate, he lived in the back of a night club, and he couldn't remember to save his life the last time he slept. Chances of him fixing the world were growing slimmer, soon it would be too late.

The world we knew  
Won't come back  
The time we've lost  
Can't get back  
The life we had  
Won't be ours again

If Chris did succeed then the world would never be the same again, it would be completely different, it wouldn't be there, it wouldn't be what he went back too, if he survived. Sure he would loose some stuff, but it would be worth it. If it was destiny then it would happen, it would be the same.

This world will never be  
What I expected  
And if I don't belong

He couldn't claim the dark future as his, he could claim Wyatt as his brother, and Bianca was dead, there was noting in the future for him now. Chris looked at the park he was sitting in and his mind couldn't grasp the changes that had come to pass in his future, how had it gotten so screwed up, so distorted compared to what it was in the past?

Even if I say  
It'll be alright  
Still I hear you say  
You want to end your life  
Now and again we try  
To just stay alive  
Maybe we'll turn it around  
'Cause it's not too late  
It's never too late  
Maybe we'll turn it around  
'Cause it's not too late  
It's never too late (It's never too late)  
It's not too late  
It's never too late

No matter how many people told him it would be fine, there were still times Chris wanted to lean a little to far over the edge of the bridge, or 'accidentally' blow up a potion, or just have one 'slip-up' with a demon that got him killed. He was just scraping along in life right now, trying to finish his mission, trying to save the world and it was almost too much pressure for him to live with. And yes, things could change, and no, it wasn't too late, not yet at least, he still had ten months after all. He knew he could do it if he kept telling himself that he could have something to live for.


	7. On My Own

Disclaimer: Don't own it; don't have enough money to buy it, so I guess I'll just have to deal with it. The song and the characters.

On My Own

I walk alone  
Think of home  
Memories of long ago  
No one knows I lost my soul long ago

Chris walked down the street in the pouring rain…scratch that, it was sleet…and if hell froze over this is what it would be like, he decided as he lost the feeling in his whole right hand. This sucked, he missed the manor, he missed his mom, and his aunts, his uncles, his cousins, and mostly he missed have Wyatt as a good guy instead of a bad guy. But instead of being back home in the future and being……livid in the future hell like version of San Francisco, he was in the past, walking the streets in the sleet being………melancholy and feeling sorry for himself. He could still remember the day his mother died, and then his aunts shortly after. He still remembered the time he fell through the banister and Wyatt had to take him to the hospital because one of his aunt's co-workers had been at the house and seen the entire thing. He had killed, good, bad, neutral, he had killed Elders, and demons alike, and he had been cast down from grace…actually the Elders had thrown him of their pedestal, but it didn't matter. He had used black magic to save lives, but it didn't matter, he was still missing his soul, he had lost that what felt like centuries ago.

Lie too much  
She said that she's had enough  
Am I too much  
She said that she's had enough

He lied and lied and lied…some days it felt like everything he said was a lie…some days everything he did say was a lie, or connected to a lie. Piper, his mother, had finally had it and had kicked him out; leaving him wandering through the streets, in what hell would be like if it froze over, which would be when Piper let him back into the house. Chris knew she would never be able to handle her neurotic white-lighter from the future, but he often wondered how she would handle her neurotic son from the future. He wouldn't tell her though…she hated him so much she would probably never let him back into her house.

Standing on my own  
Remembering the one I left at home  
Forget about the life I used to know  
Forget about the one I left at home

Chris ducked into a back ally and from there orbed to the top of the Golden Gate Bridge. He stood their in the center of the storm, the sleet, the thunder, and lightning all surrounded him and he felt it become part of what was left of his shattered self. He missed Bianca, he had left her there to die…he had left her there dead, after she had died for him. He would just have to forget about that, if he saved Wyatt then it wouldn't matter, she wouldn't die like that, and he would probably have to forget about her too, because the chances of them being together in both lifetimes were slim to none.

I need to run far away  
Can't go back to that place  
Like she told me  
I'm just a big disgrace

He had run, run from his life and his brother, and what was left of his devastated, crushed family in order to save the world…which obviously had been running low on justice even in 2004, Chris though, because he was still sitting in the freezing rain with blue lips. He was lucky he hadn't frozen to death or caught pneumonia; wouldn't the Elders in the future just get a kick out of that? Chris chuckled to himself, he didn't give a rat's ass what they found amusing…or in this case not. He couldn't go back to that future, not again after Bianca, he would rather die…he would die, Bianca and Wyatt had both said if he left again all that would be returning would be Chris' dead body. He would be an even bigger failure than he was now…the wouldn't even give him a tombstone…oh well, at least he wouldn't be remember as Wyatt's little brother, he mused looking at his pure white hands and wondering when frostbite would kick in completely.

Lie too much  
She said that she's had enough  
Am I too much  
She said that she's had enough

He sighed, his mother had always told him that lying would be the end of him, when he was a teenager he had started lying and hadn't been able to not lie…she had sent him to counseling with a psychiatrist claiming that he was acting out because he never knew his father that well and that it was Leo's fault because he didn't love Chris. He knew it was because for that hour every week she didn't have to wonder about whether or not he was lying about where he was, or who he was with, or why he was lying to her. He knew he overwhelmed his mother, but he couldn't help it because no matter how many times she said she couldn't take it anymore, she would always come back to tell him how much she loved him twice as much.

Standing on my own  
Remembering the one I left at home  
Forget about the life I used to know  
Forget about the one I left at home  
So now I'm standing here alone  
I'm learning how to live life on my own

Chris stared at the bay and just remember every one of his friends and family members who had died, and he reminded himself why he was doing this, it was for them, whether or not they came to be in the new future it would be better than living through what Wyatt had done. He could never forget them, but he could walk as far away as he could get and make their faces fuzzy in his head and forget their voices and hope that they forgave him, because he was alone and close to breaking, and he had to learn to live all over again, without anyone's help, because he had always had someone standing behind him reminding him to clean up after himself, of eat, or shower, or put on clean clothes in the morning, and he didn't have anyone right now and he had never felt so alone in his life.

Lie too much  
I think that I've had enough  
Am I too much  
She said that she's had enough

Chris knew he lied so much, he knew it because it had gotten hard for him to distinguish between what was true and what was a lie, even in his own life he constantly found himself asking who he was, Christopher Victor Halliwell, witch-lighter and son of a Charmed One, or Christopher Perry, neurotic white-lighter of the Charmed Ones who couldn't manage to tell the truth if it jumped right out of his mouth on it's own. Even he had had enough at this point, he couldn't look at himself in a mirror or stand to hear his own voice, the latter mostly because it was usually telling another lie to his family. Chris was incessantly cursing his own traitorous mouth for its evil traitorous lies. He was too much to handle, for himself and everyone else, and Piper was right to have said that enough was enough and he was out. That didn't mean he didn't have to be upset about it.

I'm standing on my own  
Remembering the one I left at home  
Forget about the life I used to know  
Forget about the one I left at home  
So now I'm standing here alone  
I'm learning how to live life on my own  
Forget about the past I'll never know  
Forget about the one I left at home

So now the green-eyed boy was standing in the soggy streets of San Francisco wondering how he had come back to save the world only to have his own family turn on him, but he knew why, he just wished he didn't. He couldn't stop thinking about everyone he had left behind, and he was still trying to forget it all because he wouldn't know any of them anymore when he got back, and even if he did, they wouldn't remember him, he had to forget about that life. He was slowly learning to hold himself up, but it got harder every time he remember something he wanted to forget, a face, a name, it didn't matter, it was everything he would never know, and everything he would never forget.


	8. Hand of Sorrow

A/N: okay, so here's the deal, normal type is 2004, or the present for the story line, italics is Chris' memories, and bold is the changed future.

Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed, and the song is by Within Temptation

Hand of Sorrow

The child without a name grew up to be the hand  
To watch you, to shield you, or kill on demand  
The choice he'd made he could not comprehend  
His blood a grim secret they had to commend

Chris hadn't been a nameless child, far from it in fact, but with the world that he had been raised in, the world that his family belonged to, was the magical world, and his older brother was the twice blessed, and his mother was a Charmed One, making him either Wyatt's brother, or the son of a Charmed One. He had been the one that had protected his older brother when he had turned evil, and now he might be the one that had to kill him, not the best options if you asked Chris, but the Resistance, Wyatt, not even the Sisters could understand why he made the choice that he had or the reasons behind it. He had to succeed, Chris need to save the world and his brother. There were even times that Chris wasn't sure why he had decided to save Wyatt rather than kill him. After all, his brother had killed their family, and the love of Chris' life, not to mention the fact that he had sent the whole world to hell in a hand basket, why did Wyatt deserve a second chance and Chris be left with all of the memories? Why was Chris stuck hiding who he was no matter where he went? And once the resistance found out he had been forced to leave because all they could do was discuss how to use Chris to kill Wyatt, and now he was in the past, once again keeping his lineage a secret from the world, and his family.

He's torn between his honor and the true love of his life  
He prayed for both but was denied

_Chris had wanted nothing more than to save his brother and restore his family, but he also wanted to be with Bianca, and the chances of that happening in one reality, let alone two was slim to none, so he wouldn't hold his breath that they would know each other once he got back from changing everything, chances were that she would be evil, and he wouldn't be able to save her this time because he would never meet her. He didn't pray, that wasn't Chris, but if he had he would have hoped that she would be happy no matter what befell her in her life and that she would somehow come out on top, or do at least one good thing during her time, but he would always know what she had done for him._

So many dreams were broken and so much was sacrificed  
Was it worth the ones we loved and had to leave behind  
So many years have past, toward a noble land of lies  
Will all our sins be justified?

Chris had lost so much; his family had lost so much. They had lost all hopes of being remembered as good, and protectors of the innocent the day that Wyatt had killed the Charmed Ones. And Chris, he had lost more than the others, given up more. Chris had given up his life, his love, his home, and his brother, and he didn't even know if it would be worth it, he didn't know if any of this would amount to anything or if he would just end up losing his life over it and the world would be left in turmoil. He had to try though, he wasn't a Halliwell if he gave up. He hadn't left anyone behind though, they were all dead, except Wyatt, but he was as good as dead to Chris, and so was Bianca, because he wouldn't be in love with her ever again, there would be a wispy memory, but nothing more to hold her with once he changed the future. It had all started when he was fourteen with the death of their mother, Wyatt's first kill, Leo's failure to be there for him. He had lied to do the right thing since then, and he wasn't sure what was truth and what was lie at this point. He had killed and stolen, and he wasn't sorry for any of it because it had needed to be done in order to save those that he had killed and place them in a better future, but he was condemned to hell once he died.

The curse of his powers tormented his life  
Obeying the crowd was a sinister price  
His soul was tortured by love and by pain  
He surely would flee, but the oath made him stay

Power, that's what had started this all was power, or to be more specific, what had started it all had been _powers_; Wyatt's to be more precise. Sure Chris had been dragged along for the ride, he had powers too, but unlike Wyatt, who was a psycho and did more than embrace his, he made them stronger, Chris took after their mother and saw his powers as a curse, something to be avoided at all costs. They were the reason that his brother had killed their family after all. And yet, even though he thought of his powers as a curse, he used them every day, mostly to protect others, but he also used them to take lives. Chris wasn't even sure that he knew what love felt like anymore, just an empty space, he knew pain though, pain was an old friend of his. He knew he would have left long ago if not for the fact that he had promised his mother that he would save Wyatt, always protect him from the world, he couldn't kill Wyatt, and he couldn't run away.

He's torn between his honor and the true love of his life  
He prayed for both but was denied

He had people waiting on him, people who he could return life to, and they wouldn't know anything about it, but they all still needed him. Then there was Bianca, he had left her to die, he had left her dead. He had prayed even though he didn't believe it would help her, he had, it hadn't saved her life, and he had prayed for the fallen and the living, but now he knew that prayer wouldn't get him anywhere or anything because he had sinned and he had no faith.

So many dreams were broken and so much was sacrificed  
Was it worth the ones we loved and had to leave behind  
So many years have past, toward a noble land of lies  
Will all our sins be justified?

Chris had had dreams, so had Wyatt and their mother. They all had wanted something, but something else had planned differently and messed everything up. Chris had new dreams now, but they weren't for him, he needed to save his brother and the world, and what was the point of a new dream if it had been the sacrifice of the original dream to get it? He wasn't sure that anything was worth it now, not even living, he could just give up and not go back, he could fail, they wouldn't even know he was dead, although they would probably assume it, they probably assumed it now. He had been living in a shit world for years and he couldn't see anything different in the past, around every corner was death and destruction, another demon of Wyatt's to kill, and none of it helped as far as he knew. Lies and murder was all that this had led to and Chris jumped head first into it.

Please forgive me for the sorrow  
For leaving you in fear  
For the dreams we had to silence  
That's all they'll ever be  
Still I'll be the hand that saves you  
Though you'll not see that it is me

He could ask for forgiveness, but only once he was dead, and there really was no point in asking once he had changed everything, if he changed everything. He had caused sorrow just like Wyatt, had killed peoples sons, daughters, mothers, father, sisters, or brothers, Chris was far from perfect, the only difference was that he felt remorse for what he had done. Unlike Wyatt who was in fact the Source of all Evil and the result was that he was close, almost in cahoots with Satan. But Chris was still worse than Wyatt, he had left all of those people to die, to be in fear everyday, and even if he did fix this he would still remember them all, faces, voices, and their pleas for him not to go. Chris knew that everyone had to give up dreams in everyday life, but they still had a chance, in his life dreams stood no chance at all, children would still have dreams, but that was all that they could ever be, dreams. And yet, they would never know that he was the one that had saved them, they would never know that they had ever needed saving, or the tortures that they had gone through.

So many dreams were broken and so much was sacrificed  
Was it worth the ones we loved and had to leave behind

**Piper looked at her son and knew what he had sacrificed, given up for the world and she smiled, he had given his life and the love of his life to save his family and the world. Not many mothers could say that their sons were their hero for a valid reason, but Piper could even if she couldn't give people that reason. If that Chris was still in her son anywhere, he would know that it had been worth every breath and injury and fight that he had had to put up, every life he had had to take had gotten a ray of sunshine placed back on it and the world had been repaired because of one person, two people, Piper could even admit that Bianca had helped Chris in the end.**

So many years have past, toward a noble land of lies  
Will all our sins be justified?

**Twenty-three year old Chris looked at his mother in the kitchen, she didn't know that he knew, but he did. He had lived in that life, that world for nine years, and he could remember that change for nine, since he was fourteen both times. He didn't feel guilty about lying to her for all of that time, because lying was a sin, but he didn't want his mother to know that he remembered that life, that hell, so he just didn't tell her.**


End file.
